ShareWell Wellness Blog

This season, I’m turning on easy mode. And while the world kicks into overdrive for the holidays, I’m going to try something a little different, allowing myself to conserve energy without feeling guilty or isolated. Because I can save the gatherings and big purchases for seasons when my time, energy, and money are overflowing. For now, instead of spending to feel like I’m not alone, I’m actively seeking ways to feel connected that don’t further deplete me.

If this speaks to you, think of this as a reminder to go easy on yourself this season. Because we don’t have to put more on our plate to feel connected and loved. We can fit a social life in between that last work email and throwing a load of laundry in the wash. We can feel seen and heard without draining already low reserves of time, cash, and brain cells.

And really, that’s all we need – connections that meet us where we are, not where the vision-board versions of ourselves live.

So, here are some ways I’m building this for myself. (Feel free to copy them.)

1. Ask for something small. A recipe for that dish they made last Friendsgiving, which podcast they’d recommend for a long drive, fashion advice, etc. You’d be surprised by how much people love to be asked small things like this. It gives them a chance to be helpful. And it’s also a reminder that it’s okay to ask for help.
2. Body double so you can get what you need to get done together. Sometimes, I’ll ask a friend to hop on a video call so we can both do our own boring thing together. Because there’s just something about another human quietly existing in the same digital space that makes doing the dishes feel a lot less draining. If none of your friends are available for something like this, ShareWell is a good option too. Join a virtual group today.
3. Give out compliments like Halloween candy. The neighbor, the person behind me in the checkout line, the Uber driver. Anyone. And it doesn’t have to be a whole thing, just one sentence to break the barrier. Plus, it can really brighten up someone’s week.
4. Become a regular somewhere free. Whether it be the same bench at the park, the same loop around the block, or the same library table, belonging is 100% free.
5. Answer “how are you” with a bit more truth. No need to unpack trauma onto a total stranger, but a response like “tired but okay” creates more space for connection than “good, and you?” And it gives the other person permission to be a bit more honest too.
6. Watch the same show as a friend and exchange notes. Don’t even watch it on the same night, if that’s too much to schedule. All that’s needed is a running thread of “OMG i can’t believe she did that” because that sort of thing becomes the everyday exchanges that make life feel lighter.
7. Lower the bar for hosting in your friend circle (they’ll thank you for this): “The apartment’s a mess but I’m ordering takeout. Come sit on the couch w me” is on someone’s bucket list somewhere. And no one ever complains about the mess. If anything, it’s an invitation for them to come as they are.
8. Vent session. When I need to talk through what’s been going on in my head but can’t afford another therapy session, I reach out to a peer specialist to tide me over. This has gotten me through a lot of difficult times.
9. Walking dates, at the same time but in different places. When it’s too much to drive, a friend and I will go on a walk in our own neighborhoods, at the same time. We don’t always call, but sometimes we do. Other times we send a selfie or a pic of something else we discover along the way. And it still feels like we’re spending time together.
10. Send texts that read “no need to reply.” Most of us don’t text because we don’t have the energy for a conversation. But you can say something like “Thinking of you. Don’t reply, just wanted you to know.” Or just send a meme or a photo of a dog you found that looks exactly like their dad. Long-winded texts aren’t necessary to feel the warmth of exchange.
11. Keep a folder of the sweet things people have said: cute texts, recommendation letters, thank you notes, etc. I keep this in a folder and read them as proof that I matter to people. And this definitely comes in handy when anxiety makes me believe otherwise.
12. Give something small. I’ve found this is the quickest way to ground myself back into the world when I’ve been feeling out of orbit. It also takes a lot less energy than you’d expect. Because it’s not about impressing anyone; it’s about thinking of little ways to make someone smile.